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“Happy” the Happy Meal (a fully owned, fully licensed creation of McDonald’s)
Today Ferrebeekeeper abjectly drops all discussion of space exploration, art, literature, zoology, and history in order to concentrate on the biggest trending topic of the day–a disquieting animated character who takes the form of a weird toothy box. What’s the story here? Well, it turns out that, McDonald’s, the globe-spanning fast-food eatery has introduced a new mascot, “Happy” a happy meal box who wants kids to eat their vegetables and yogurt. The internet is awash in jokes about Happy’s lurid color, ambiguous motivations, and his oh-so-human (and oh-so-large) teeth. Mascots have been a subject of great interest to me ever since the black-and-white TV introduced me to the McDonaldland gang when I was a bright nervous child so I feel like we can do better for Happy (well, better than Gawker’s boilerplate jokes at least) and unpackage some of his history.
McDonald’s is an American restaurant (actually considering its name & its obsession with cheap beef and potatoes, maybe it’s Irish-American) which began in 1940 in California as a barbecue joint. After the Second World War it changed into a hamburger restaurant and then spread its wings to become the most successful chain restaurant in history. One of the important steps of its evolution into an international corporate hegemon was developing a colorful crew of mascot characters to sell burgers, fries, and, above all, “the McDonald’s brand” to impressionable children (like me!).
The McDonaldland Gang (from a 1973 book cover)
In the early 1970s, an advertising agency introduced a whole team of mascots collectively known as McDonaldland to the world. The concept was based on the drugged-up fantasy landscape of H.R. Pufnstuf (a surreal puppet show which has cast long delirious shadows over children’s programming ever since it aired). True to the source material, the original cast was a disquieting mélange of weird beings: Mayor McCheese, a corrupt bureaucrat whose head is made of a cheeseburger; Hamburglar, a muttering lunatic thief; and, of course, Ronald McDonald, the dangerous-looking clown prince of the anthropomorphized fast-food landscape.
Grimace
Some of the characters were quickly revised. Grimace was originally a villainous purple octopus with a monomaniacal love for milkshakes. Unfortunately early consumer tests determined that children were terrified of the multi-armed abomination. Flummoxed ad-executives were prepared to rework the entire concept, when one perspicacious adman came up with a brainstorm characteristic of the industry. “Let’s just rip his arms off!” he said. So Grimace–whom many people doubtless think of as a mitochondria or a rhizome—is actually an octopus whose arms were amputated by drunken 1970s admen.
“Good-Bye to All That”
The McDonaldland gang hit their heyday in the 1980s, when they were everywhere. Figures were abruptly retired (like poor Captain Cook) or changed, while new ones such as Birdie the breakfast bird made sudden appearances. Yet times change, and contemporary McDonald’s is trying to put McDonaldland behind them. Ronald McDonald has kept his position as a figurehead (much like Mickey Mouse) and the other characters sometimes appear in weathered murals or old playground equipment, but today’s advertising concentrates on pseudo-healthy communities of friends eating together and “lovin’ it”.
The happy meal, however, continues to attract children with its colorful bag and complimentary toy. It also continues to attract regulators and litigation, so McDonald’s swung into action and created Happy. The animated box started out in the minors—France and Latin America–where he (it?) attained sufficient success to leap to the American market this month.
These forms of Happy never made it out of France: McDonald’s does not need two mascot controversies at once
With his loopy eyes, boxy form, and infinite hungry maw, Happy seems like he could almost be a throwback to the McDonaldland era. Yet he is patently a computer animation rather than a human-inhabited puppet. Additionally his putative raison d’être is to convince kids to pursue healthier eating habits. According to McDonald’s own press release:
McDonald’s today introduced “Happy,” a new animated Happy Meal character that brings fun and excitement to kids’ meals while also serving as an ambassador for balanced and wholesome eating. Happy will be introduced nationwide May 23, and will encourage kids to enjoy fruits, vegetables, low-fat dairy and wholesome beverages such as water or juice.
That certainly sounds admirable, but adults take one look at Happy and shudder. Moreover his true purpose is obvious to us (after all we have spent a lifetime eating under the golden arches): he is obviously meant to sell McDonald’s products to kids. It’s easy to be cynical about him—but I now look back at the strained look on my parents’ faces as they endured the burglars, killer clowns, evil octopi, and pirates of my youth with new understanding. Corporate mascots are friendly monsters who entice children to buy sundry unnecessary goods and services. Kids should get used to brushing them off as soon as possible. It is fine preparation for adult life when the corporate monsters take off their googly eyes and apply their coercion more directly.
Today is Valentine’s Day! Happy valentines to all my readers. You all really are the best and, although I don’t want to make any syrupy declarations of love, I truly do esteem you. I would bake you all a big heart-shaped cherry cake if such a thing were possible (ed’s note: logistical studies determined that baking a large delicious cake was indeed possible, but fulfillment—getting the cake to the esteemed blog readers—was far beyond the author’s shaky grasp of organization].
Having said all of that, I am not the world’s biggest Valentine’s Day fan. I dislike the slushy gray month of February when winter has long outstayed its welcome (but when spring remains far away). Corporate forces pop into one’s love life (or absence thereof) to remind everyone to buy pink plastic junk and churn out some more consumers. I can’t help but feel that they are being insincere and perhaps a bit greedy.
Or maybe they are trying to sell to people trapped in offices instead of lovers…
I was going to write about the color pink and how it became thoroughly conflated with romance and with the holiday. Unfortunately, looking up “pink romantic history” on the web resulted in me finding out lots about the private life of popular musician Pink, but little about how pink came to dominate romance, women’s products, girl’s toys, and the month of February.
At least she found a supportive partner…
Probably any intelligent adult can surmise the fundamental reasons that the color pink and the physical aspects of romance are linked. Irrespective, I really like the color pink a great deal—it is the color of sessile invertebrates, roses, animal’s noses, the sunset, and I find it frustrating that marketers overuse it because of gender stereotypes and lack of imagination.
There are too many chalky candies and not enough flamingos
Anyway, I’m rambling. I guess the point was that, like most single people in America, I am frustrated by Valentine’s Day. Maybe that is my fault instead of the fault of Hallmark. I should learn to appreciate what I have—like my wonderful readers. Happy Valentine’s Day! You all really are the best! Even if I didn’t bake a cake for you, come back on Monday and I’ll write a really good post! Also, as a final note, there is one good thing about Valentine’s Day—it means the winter is finally coming to its last stages. And who knows, maybe next year, despite all of the failures, we’ll finally get romance right…
No doubt you have noticed how different clothing stores have the same color palette for their wares. If you walk from Banana Republic to Uniqlo to Armani Exchange, you will see remarkably different garments at wildly different prices…and yet the colors are all the same (and the opposing colors suit each other beautifully). The effect even stretches to kitchen and home goods stores: so if you are particularly obsessed you can probably match your underwear, your blender, and your divan—as long as you buy them in the same year (and also assuming you buy divans). The reason for this phenomenon is that every year the mughals of fashion, trendiness, and color itself get together and proclaim a color palette for the year.
In practice, international corporations tend to defer to Pantone, a company based in New Jersey for this palette. Every year Pantone (allegedly) convenes a secret quorum of fashionistas, artists, Illuminati, scientists, sorcerers, and what not in an unknown European capital to choose the color which most accurately expresses the zeitgeist of all human endeavor for a year. [When I was imprisoned in the legal industry, a strange coworker who was really “in the scene” during the eighties confided that what all this really means is that a gay man with a sharp eye chooses the palette, Pantone reviews it, and everyone else gets told what colors to use. This sounds quite plausible, but I have no way of verifying the truth of the allegation. Pantone has grown much savvier at marketing nonsense since the eighties…as indeed has everyone except for me, alas].
Anyway, the official color of the year of 2014 is [insert royal fanfare with horns] “Radiant Orchid” an extremely pretty mid-tone purple/lavender. To celebrate, I have illustrated this article with radiant orchid pictures (at least to such an extent my computer’s ever changing screen and my own eyes can replicate the hue). Undoubtedly the other colors you see at shops this year will all perfectly match radiant orchid. Pantone announces the color of the year for free, but if you would like to see the associated palette you will have to order the proprietary information from Pantone View.
As you can probably tell from the tone of this post, I feel that “the color of the year” is a bit silly (not radiant orchid, which I find very fetching, but the concept itself), yet I do like the idea of a unified palette and I like the fact that favorite colors change with the era in accordance to a larger consensus of human taste. Perhaps someday we will all smile with bittersweet nostalgia as we think back on 2014 with its mild lavender in the same way that my parents talk about mustard and avocado or my grandparents talk about baby blue. In the meantime, if purple is your thing you should feel happy, and if not you should start pulling strings right now to influence the mystery color of 2015.
As discussed on the 4th of July post, the national animal/symbol of the United States was nearly a rattlesnake. Perhaps it is well that the eagle prevailed: to the Judeo-Christian mindset snakes are taboo creatures identified with wickedness and the devil (or perhaps I should say that the other way around–since the tempter in Genesis is identified as a serpent and the devil does not appear until much later). However not everyone reviles serpents and certain bold organizations (from the medical profession, to racecar makers, to flute-rest manufacturers) have used the limbless animals to represent their organizations. Here is a gallery of symbols, logos, mascots, and crests which make use of snakes. I have thrown in some fictional archvillain organizations for fun–it will be up to you to separate them from the real institutions.
The controversial unofficial flag of Martinique, a colonial trade ensign which uses the Bourbon family's quartered blue standard with four fer-de-lance vipers
The logo of Adder Company, a high-tech connectivity company
The Coker College Cobra
The Coat of Arms of the Municipality of Bellinzona
The Dodge Viper Logo--which becomes Daffy Duck when turned upside down.
The new Dodge Viper Logo (which overcorrects the old one by looking like it is from an 80's cartoon)
The Logo of COBRA Command, arch nemesis to G.I. Joe
The Logo of King Cobra Fine Malt Liquor (available in 40 ounce bottles)
The Logo of Cobra Flute Support
The Florida A&M Rattlers
The Slytherin Coat of Arms
Copperhead Bullets
The Coat of Arms of Alsomocsolad
The Logo of Shelby Motors
The Logo of Ribotto Productions
The Gallagher Family Crest
The Caduceus: Ancient Symbol of the Medical Profession
The Twin Snake Standard of Thulsa Doom's Snake Cult (along with a regional staff member)
Mamba Offroad Alloys
The Logo of Alfa Romeo Motors
The Logo of the Arizona Diamondbacks
I particularly like the old fashioned crests (including Alfa Romeo’s corporate logo which looks like it once belonged to an evil viscount), however I would like to issue demerits to the Arizona Diamondbacks for not actually having a snake for their logo. Even more egregious, the diamondbacks employ a bobcat themed furry as their mascot when they could easily choose a mascot outfit like one of these unconventional snake suits.
Misc. Snake Mascot
Jake the Snake Mascot
In the past this site has featured posts about how some of my favorite organisms and mythical beings have been used as mascots or logos. I have blogged about turkeys, leprechauns, trees, and catfish as adopted as the symbols for businesses, sports teams, or individuals. These posts have been fairly open because mascots and logos are often loosely defined: sometimes an informal name catches on or a novelty statue becomes the symbol of a town. Indeed some of the images I included are only maniacs in costumes or striking illustrations. So be it! Such usages highlight the way in which these animals and concepts are worked into the fabric of our lives.
None of this prepared me for how mollusks have become mascots, logos, and symbols. One of the many reasons I write about mollusks is because they are so alien and yet simultaneously so pervasive and familiar. That idea is borne out by mollusk symbols! Not only is one of the world’s largest companies symbolized by a mollusk (to say nothing of how a squid has wiggled its way into becoming the unofficial mascot of one of the world’s richest and most controversial financial entities), some of the world’s strangest entities are also represented by octopus, squid, or shellfish.
The evolving logo of Royal Dutch Shell through the ages
SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion: a fictional evil organization from the James Bond Universe
Squidoo is a community website which specializes in particular areas of user interest (or something)
Grimace, the loveable purple blob was originally a grabby octopus: he did not test well in focus groups so ad executives from DDB Needham (the agency behind the McDonald's characters) simply ripped his arms off
The logo of a server farm
Oakie the Oyster, the face of the Halifax Oyster festival hobnobs with another mascot
Mollusk logos are immensely popular in Japan. Sometimes the reason is evident (as in squid flavored noodles with a cartoon squid on them), but other times the reasoning is elusive. Mollusks in Asian art deserve a post all of their own. Indeed the subject deserves more than that—for tentacles are so tangled up with fertility issues to the fervid Japanese imagination that my family blog is not going to explore some of the outré fringes of mollusk imagery in that island land. With that explanation (or caveat), here are some particularly good Japanese mascots–denied of any context since I don’t read that language!
Um...squid flavored?
Japanese Octopus Ice Cream
Squid Costume
?
Actually I have no idea if those last five are mascots or logos or what. Whatever they are, they come from Shinici MARUYAMA and they are jaw-droppingly incredible. The Japanese certainly have a very special relationship with mollusks!
My first paying job in New York City was working as a temporary paralegal for a white-shoe law firm. The gig only lasted a night–but that time was very instructive. I was called in because there was a task so boring that none of the extremely bored people who worked in that great temple to dullness wanted to undertake it. I came in at 8:30 PM in the evening and worked straight for 13 hours–after which they called a Cadillac to take me home.
There was an immense stack of old-timey dot printed financial records (the ones that were attached to each other by perforated edges to form a continuous spooling sheet). This huge primitive spreadsheet detailed all of the transactions made by a group of companies in all states, territories, and dependencies over all time. My job was to go through everything and find each time a certain sequence of numbers came up. I then noted down the relevant numbers that appeared beside the sacred sequence on a computer spreadsheet.
Welcome to New York!
The main difficulty to this task (other than not despairing at the absurdity of human endeavor) was to keep one’s place on endless nearly identical sheets of densely printed numbers. I therefore asked for a ruler or a straight edge and was told I would be provided with one immediately. An hour later, at 9:30 PM, an immense packing crate suitable for, say an industrial microwave, arrived, delivered by expensive private messengers. I opened it and found the box was filled with packing peanuts. In the very middle, nearly lost, were two 75 cent plastic rulers.
This was an important lesson about business in New York. It doesn’t matter whether a job is done cleverly or efficiently or even well. It only matters that it be done as quickly as possible in the most expensive way possible. I have always remembered this when following the news of finance and legal affairs in the morning papers.
Thanksgiving is next week! I have already bought a big aluminum platter and some oven bags for the great feast and my hunger is growing sharp…. In the mean time though, I continue to salute the majestic turkey bird–the glorious figure the whole holiday focuses around (albeit in an uncomfortably primitive sacrificed-and-devoured kind of way).
Today’s ambiguously conceived tribute takes the form of a gallery of turkey mascots and logos. It seems quite a lot of them are “Turkey Trot” promotions (apparently that’s some sort of Thanksgiving Day ceremonial run), processed food advertisements, whiskey labels, or creepy sports mascots. In this last category, pride of place certainly belongs to the HokieBird, the fighting turkey mascot of Virginia Tech, my sister’s alma mater. Here he is, first in a formal logo, then below that in a portrait, and finally in a candid shot, horsing around on the sidelines:
I’m never sure how to feel about Virginia Tech (sad, angry, confused, affectionate?) but I love the mascot and I salute their bold choice! Here are some other Turkey Mascots that didn’t necessarily work out as well and then some anonymous turkey costumes.
The Terrifying Mascot for Turkey Hill Dairy
?
The following are food labels/brands. I really like the first one—a turkey trying desperately to sell tofu substitute:
I know I mentioned wild turkey before but I had to include it again because of the dazzling realism.
Here are some random Turkey images–cartoons, and logos from all sorts of different sources (especially “turkey trot” races around the country):
Wrong, wrong, wrong! --ed.
Argh! Also wrong! --ed.
Sigh...
A timeless classic of the season....
I’m closing this grabbag of images with a picture of the national bird of the United States getting angry and jockeying for pride of place with the turkey. Next week I’ll finish listing the different strains of domestic turkey and write some closing thoughts about this national obsession.
ferrebeekeeper 
