Here in America many of our Christmas habits descend from English…and Old English…and pre-English traditions. Yet among the mistletoe and fruitcake and holly boughs, one key element of English gifts is clearly lacking: explosive gifts.
The people of the UK have this gift-style thing called “a cracker.” Now in America, a cracker is either a flat disk of inedible starch meant to be fed to a parrot or a racial insult aimed at poor southern whites, yet in England it is something rather more magical and surreal. The cracker, or more properly the “bon-bon”, is a paper or cardboard tube painted with a low-lever explosive like silver fulminate (!) and covered in a twisted wrapper of festive paper. The end-result looks rather like a giant fake tootsie roll (insomuch as tootsie rolls have any valid realness of their own). Two holiday celebrants grasp the respective ends of the cracker and pull, whereupon the silver fulminate detonates with a pop. like a wishbone, the cracker splits unevenly and one party is left with the gift, whereas the other has nothing. So not only does this thing sound dangerous, it also sounds like it would cause lots of friendship-ending fights.
However the purpose of this blog post is not to judge the British for their toys (indeed, this cracker business is starting to reveal where some of the cantankerous, alarming, or over-the-top elements of America’s national character come from). Instead we wish to concentrate on a particular aspect of the gifts inside the cracker. In addition to candies and little toys, crackers traditionally contain tissue paper crowns which are worn during holiday feasts. I have no idea what the symbolism of this is (at Christmas, everyone is king for a moment), but I really like the hats! I wish there were some real vulture hats like in Harry Potter–that would be even more magical!
ferrebeekeeper 
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December 15, 2016 at 5:11 PM
Edgar Wright
I was walking through the drugstore and remembered I meant to tell you Xmas crackers are still a blast north of the longest undefended border. I took a snapshot of some of the offerings but don’t see how to attach it.
There are two kinds of people in the world – those who wear the paper crown and those who won’t. The brow that bears the crown has more fun.
December 15, 2016 at 11:44 PM
Wayne
Aww! I wish I’m sorry we can’t see the northern crackers! In 2017 I need to spruce up the old blog and maybe add some functionality. Photos in comments is definitely on the list…and I agree with you that anyone who wears a tissue crown should wear a tissue crown and have fun doing so.
January 4, 2017 at 5:31 AM
Ice and Indigo
Ah, we don’t fight over them. There’s a cunning little reconciler built in, you see. Well, two:
– You have one cracker per person, so whoever wins two pulls gives their spare crown to whoever is crownless. We share the royalty.
– The master-stroke: Every cracker contains, along with a crown and a useless little plastic toy, a joke. A bad joke. A really, really terrible joke. ‘What do short-sighted ghosts wear? Spooktacles!’ That bad.
And they’re supposed to be bad, because bad is bonding. Any resentment over cracker losses is immediately subsumed in the presence of the common enemy. Everyone groans together at the dreadful pun, and thus we are reunited.