Well, the 2016 election is finally over. And I sort of got my wish–all three branches of government are fully united and deadlock is over. Plus we have our own Kim Jong-un now, a glorious orange child-monarch of absolute privilege who is beholden to no one and obeys no rules. Perhaps we can use this loose cannon to deal with North Korea once and for all, before they get long-range nuclear missiles or trade warfare leaves China with nothing to lose. Oh! and maybe Newt Gingrich will finally get his moon base. Anyway, we can talk about affairs of the world again in 2020 (if any of us are alive)…or maybe in 2018 if demographics moves faster than the statisticians say.
But the end of the never-ending election brings up one big problem: what is anyone going to write about now?
Fortunately Ferrebeekeeper has the answer the nation craves: Ancistrus–the endearing bushynose catfish! These armored catfish from South America (and Panama) have faces so ridiculous and ugly that they are actually adorable. Ancistrus catfish are part of the Loricariidae: armored suckermouth catfish which live on plant material. Many of the 70 species of Ancistrus catfish live in the Amazon Basin, but some live in other South America river systems–or up in Panama. Females have a few short bristles poking out from around their mouths, but males have a magnificent beard of tendrils running from their midface.
Male Ancistrus catfish are dutiful parents. They hide in underwater dens and guard clutches of eggs which the females lay upside down sticking to the roof. When the fry hatch, the father guards them when they are little and vulnerable. Female catfish like dutiful fathers, and they are amorously receptive to males who have clutches of young (since successful males tend to have multiple batches of eggs). It has been speculated that the tendrils actually evolved to help males look like they have young in low-light dating situations. Undoubtedly these tendrils also help the catfish feel and taste their way around in low light situations (although the fish, like all catfish, are blessed with an astonishing array of senses).
Three species of Ancistrus are, in fact, true troglobites: they dwell in underwater caves and have lost most of their pigmentation (and their eyes are becoming less acute and withering away). The other species of Ancistrus are pretty stylishly colored too: they tend to be covered with yellow or white spots. I think we can finally agree that this is a face we can all get behind!