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Within the already spooky world of mascots, there is a particularly unfortunate category of mascots who demand formal honorific address.  This gallery is dedicated to Mr. Clean, Mr. Yuck, Mr. Met, and other spokesfigures with exaggerated self-worth.  Is it just me, or does anyone else feel unhappy to address an entity whose head is a grimacing baseball or a melting ice cream as “Mister”?

Mr. Softee

The quintessential bully of New York’s ice cream wars, Mr. Softee not only has a repulsive alien head but is accompanied everywhere by the infernal tune “The Whistler and his Dog” (which you have never heard of, but have undoubtedly heard).  [Editor’s note: Even if he is a sentient ice-cream being who betrays his own kind for profit, Mr. Softee’s vanilla ice cream cones with cherry hardshell are delightful.]

Mrs. Adler

Mrs. Adler is a disapproving Jewish lady who only sells kosher goods.  As a special treat, check out this link and judge for yourself whether she is a respected conservative matron or a profane seductress!

Mr. Zip

Mr. Zip was a refreshingly straightforward  (albeit manic) mascot for the US mail back in its glory days.

Mr. Yuk

Mr. Yuk disapproves of the dangerous and disgusting industrial chemicals you just took a swig of.  What was that stuff  doing in an old apple juice bottle anyway?  He looks acerbic but he’ll help you get in touch with new friends at the poison control center (by the way that’s a working number in case this scenario seems familiar).

Mr. Met

Mr. Met is the symbol of the New York Mets—New York City’s other ball club.  Like the Mets, he seems like a lovable troubled underdog at first but is revealed to be an annoying distraction.

Mrs. Butterworth

Mrs. Butterworth is a mother godess shaped bottle filled with corn syrup. She is only respectable in comparison with her with arch-nemesis “Aunt Jemima”.  The two are locked in eternal combat.

Mr. Clean

Mr. Clean projects the comforting authority of a powerful cell mate who will make sure you survive prison in exchange for um, admiration and devotion.  Germs (and other living things) should be afraid!

Ole' Miss

Ole Miss isn’t actually a “Miss” at all but should be good for partial credit.  He looks eager to break some NCAA recruiting rules and perhaps even turn against the glorious union.

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